I’m not a good neutral when it comes to watching sports.
If I don’t have a rooting interest, it’s got to be a marquee game: Two top-flight opponents, Game 7 of a series, single-elimination playoff, Super Bowl, something like that.
So, I’m not that enthusiastic about the Stanley Cup playoffs. (Though the first round did conclude with a couple of dynamite Game 7s.)
For the third year in a row, the Penguins aren’t participating.
Montreal, my long-time mistress team, lost in the first round.
I wouldn’t mind seeing Carolina prosper. I’ll always be a Jordan Staal fan.
But otherwise, I’m turning to schadenfreude. Finding happiness in the misery of others.
That narrows it down to two best possible outcomes:
• Toronto loses in the most painful way imaginable, stretching their run of Cup-less seasons to a glorious 58. Toronto loves hockey the most. But the Maple Leafs win the least.
• Edmonton loses in the most painful way imaginable, keeping Connor McJesus’ resume free of a Stanley Cup. Edmonton traveled the path of heartache last season, rallying from a three-games-to-none deficit in the final vs. Florida but dropping Game 7 as McJesus went pointless. I’m not sure why I dislike McJesus. He just strikes me as a sourpuss.
It would also be good to see Canada denied a Cup for a 32nd straight year. Canada can win again when it’s the 51st state.
The problem: What if Toronto and Edmonton meet in the final?
It’s certainly looking like that could happen.
I’d get one of my preferences. But the other would blow up in my face.
I just have to trust that both teams will find a way to fail. One before the final, one in the final. Or both before the final. Schadenfreude isn’t picky. No ring besides suffering.
But Toronto looks ready. McJesus is too good to never win a Cup.
If the Maple Leafs and Oilers meet in the final, I’ll be pulling for Edmonton. It’s too much fun to watch Leafs fans moan.
But if Edmonton comes up short again, won’t McJesus want out of Edmonton at some point? That would be a laugh riot.
Philadelphia didn’t win the Stanley Cup for a 50th straight year. So, my season has already been a success. T-shirts incoming. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the Cup?
