Q: A colleague greeted me the other morning with, “You don’t look good today,” implying I looked sick or unwell. I was just tired — and frankly, I found the comment to be very rude. What could I have said in response that was both appropriate and, ideally, a bit clever?
Asking for a friend.
Alberta G., Monroeville
The workplace can certainly be a minefield of awkward pleasantries and encounters. When someone lobs that particular grenade —“You don’t look good” — you have a few options, depending on your mood and your relationship to the person who made the comment. You can be honest and respond with something like, ‘I’m feeling fine, just a little tired,’ or if you are feeling a bit spicy, you can use a little humor with something like, ‘Wow, and here I thought I looked pretty awesome!’ The goal here isn’t to embarrass them, but to give them the hint that personal appearance commentary isn’t welcome so early in the morning.
Q: My aunt was recently widowed and she arranged for a meaningful item once owned by my late uncle to be passed on to another family member who shared his interests. The item was routed through another household for convenience. However, someone in that household claimed the item for themselves, barring the intended recipient from even seeing it. Now, the intended recipient hasn’t thanked my aunt — possibly leaving her to believe the gesture was ignored — because acknowledging the gift would expose the awkward truth and likely spark family drama. I believe the truth should come out, but I’m not in a position to make that call. so I’m just “Asking for a friend”….
First off, your instincts are solid. The widow made a generous, heartfelt gesture — and right now, it probably looks to her like it vanished into the void of ungratefulness. That’s a shame. But be careful with that thank-you note, so it doesn’t become a live grenade.
Here’s a middle path: the intended recipient can — and absolutely should — write to the widow. The note should warmly acknowledge the widow’s kindness and express deep appreciation for the thought and sentiment behind the gesture. It doesn’t have to mention what happened to the item. That keeps the focus on gratitude without blowing up the family group chat.
As for the truth? If the recipient ever feels ready, a private, gentle conversation with the widow might bring some clarity — without creating more family drama.
Meanwhile, let this be a lesson: when passing down cherished items, make sure you put in writing who the recipient should be and do your best not to use an intermediary to deliver it.
